Tricky Keg Stands

fatty

I'm walking into work, past two smokers. One is a tall, skinny guy. The other is a short chub. As I walk by, I hear skinny ask fatty, "Why do you carry a golf ball in your shirt pocket?"

Chubby says, "This?" "That's not a golf ball. It's a lump of fatty tissue I've been meaning to get removed."

WAHHAHAHAH!!! I almost spit out my coffee.

10/21/2004

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balloons

I worked my way through high school/early college as a guitar teacher at a local music shop. What a GREAT frikin' job for a kid. The money was good and I got to practice ALL the time. I got influenced by all kinds of people I normally wouldn't have had contact with (that old guy down the hall, the REALLY old trumpet teacher, the metal head, etc.) It made me a pretty good player.

Most of my students were kids that were terrible and didn't want to practice. This one student was a girl from my high school. She was a piano player who wanted to learn a little guitar. So she decided to take lessons from me for a few months. It wasn’t anything too exciting or spectacular. I mean, she practiced and she showed up. That was about it.

One of the other teachers was learning how to tie balloon animals one day. I was sitting in the showroom waiting for my student to show up (they were always late... all of them..) so I say, "Can you tie me up a black cat?" He did. It looked just like the dog, the hamster, and the alligator he made for the other people in the store... except mine was black.

A student finally showed up so we went back in the studio and had a lesson. I put the cat in my bag and taught more lessons.

A little later the girl from my high school showed up. About 10 minutes into the lesson I could tell she was having a terrible day. I, trying to be nice, decide to cheer her up.

"Hey, it looks like you're having a bad day. Do you want a present?"

She looks at me like I'm nuts and says, "well... sure."

I pull the cat out of the bag and say, "Here! It's a black cat balloon animal."

She immediately bursts into tears... Big, sobbing, snot running tears...

A few minutes later she pulls it together and says, "I'm sorry... I'm a mess. My cat died this morning... she was black."

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A learning opportunity

I'm on my way to work, on the exit ramp waiting at the light to turn left on kingshighway. My windows are down. I'm half asleep. I hear, in thick hick, "You call that a bimmer or a beemur?"

Me, being the asshole I am snap to the left and loudly do the lil' john, "wwwhhhhahhaaaaaatttttt??????" right then i realize i probably shouldn't fuck with a hoosier. He's a passenger in a teal cavelier with a curly blonde mullet, white trucker's cap, methmouph, and a wife beater. Sadly, i didn't get a good look at the driver.

He says, "Do-you-call-that a bimmer or a beemur?"

i say, "I have no idea what you're talking about. what?"

"your car. some people call your car a beemur... some people call it a bImmer like in that tv commercial. what do you call it?"

"I have no idea. I call it a BMW."

"Well, let me give you a little education this morning." The light is about to change. "You're in a bimmer..." The light flips green, but I gotta hear this so I don't budge.. mind you, it is rush hour and there are two lines of cars behind us. "You know, like the commercial on tv. A Beemur is a motorcyle and that's that."

"oooohhh kaaaayyyyyyyyy!" I drive away.

---

pooh.. for real.

I hadn't washed walter in 6.. 8.. probably 10 months. After the hail storm my motivation for a shiny car is about zero.. shine shows dings and I got a lot of them. So, i rarely wash my car. Oddly, I cannot stand dirty windows and my windsheild washers haven't worked in a year. So, this is a source of some major cognitive dissonance...

I digress.. a few days ago (sept 26, 06) I couldn't stand it any more. I took off during lunch and found a car wash. I didn't give it a good washing, just a squirt. But, it had been so long the difference was amazing... and I could see out of my windows. I loved it.

After work I met rho at the vet (daisy's got kidney problems and sopheeuh has staph... probably got it from rubbing on my car.) I was all excited about my clean car. I must have said, "Look at my clean car!" a dozen times.

After the vet I was driving home. There was a cattle truck. I was behind the cattle truck. I had no idea cattle trucks poop. I saw something that looked like smoke coming out of the back of it. I looked closer and realized it was 10 gallons of urine mixed with pooh... which was pouring out, hitting the highway and splashing all up in my face. I rolled the windows up as fast as possible (luckily, it wasn't literally getting in my face and my sunroof is broken so it wasn't open) But, my car was covered in poop.. my clean car no longer.

I call rho and tell her it's gonna take me longer to get home. i gotta find a car wash, first.

I did, the shell station down the street. Paid $8 for the delux wash with tire scrub. That was my first time in an automatic car wash and I must say it was freakin' fun! the soap was yellow and blue, the water jets looked like elliptical brush alien things.. it was great. But, as i pulled away i could still see pooh spots on my windshield.

Not being one for a dirty windshield, i gave walter a good hand-scrubbing when I got home.

that's right. no wash for 10 months then three in one day.

WHAHAHAHH!!!

---

ouch

I've got a little cold. Nothing life-threatening, but I am completely out of it. I managed to fall UP the stairs and I dropped an 80gb hard drive on the floor (i think it still works!). However, the best thing happened just before I went to bed.

I'm standing there, in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. Nothing unusual was going on, I wasn't too tired, and I definitely was not drunk. I managed to slip, which ususally ends up in a sore set of gums and a quick, OW! But, no, this time I slipped and caught that web thing that attaches the bottom of your tongue to the bottom of your mouth.. I RIPPED IT! sweet geesus. It couldn't have been much worse. The bleeding was horrible... Seriously... was that really necessary?

11/08/2004

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Francesca Goes Down

A few nights ago fiftytwo.net went down, or became unreachable. So, I sent a message to support@netmondo.com letting them know and asking them to fix it. The next morning I get a message letting me know the nameservers were changed and I would have to fix my domain. Wha?? I couldn't believe they would do that without letting me know, first. This is how I replied

On Nov 16, 2004, at 12:12 PM, Jordan Woerndle wrote:

are you kidding? you changed the nameservers without notifying me in advance? Please, let your customers know before you make a change that is going to affect their service.

Her response was precious:

Hello,

We Did ..

With a e-mail ..

Look .. It was to move them off a old server ..

I am so tired of trying to organize things so they work better and being screamed at the whole way as if its my doing ... The chaos that existed ..

Maybe we should go back to Chaos .. and no one answering your tickets ..

Francesca

PS: I am near quitting .. Hint ??

Poor Francesca is about to lose it. I wanted to continue egging her on.. you know, give her a slight nudge over the edge... but, i didn't. I don't feel like finding a new host. So, I politely wrote back letting her know that running a business is hard and that she shouldn't quit. I also gave her a list of the date and subject of every email I have ever received from her and pointed out that I definitely did not get an email letting me know I should change my name server.

Two hours later she sent another broadcast message letting everyone know they should change their name servers

11/16/2004

addendum 12/22/2004

My website went down again. This time the nameservers BOTH went down. I noticed they're on the same segment.. the ip's are so close I wouldn't be suprised if it is the same machine. Anyway, i sent a little email to francesca asking her to look into it. Here's her response:

I don't work for netmondo anymore.

Francesca

Fair enough. But, for some reason she wrote again:

Dns issues at the "rather large" DC .. they being resolved .. Pardon the pun

Francesca

i wonder if she's half as hott as she is funny. heeeeere snatches.

---

innovation

Oh yeah, that swarming algorithm thing. I like looking at nature to find solutions to problems.

I'm starting to think that mathematical solutions are all fine and dandy, but i really doubt anyone's going to come up with and equation that can "think." I mean, equations are used to model and predict, not innovate.

I don't know, but I think the scientific community is so bent on publishing papers chock-full-o-equations that some innovation is lost. Build something that impossible to model, but works and you've got something. Like a brain.

In fact, Stan Ulam (I dont' know who this is...) put it really well when he said, "What makes you so sure that mathematical logic corresponds to the way we think?"

exactly.

Von Neuman said in his posthumously-published The Computer and the Brain:

"The message-system used in the nervous system... is of an essentially statistical character," he explained. "In other words, what matters are not the precise positions of definite markers, digits, but the statistical characteristics of their occurrence... a radically different system of notation from the ones we are familiar with in ordinary arithmetics and mathematics... Clearly, other traits of the (statistical) message could also be used: indeed, the frequency referred to is a property of a single train of pulses whereas every one of the relevant nerves consists of a large number of fibers, each of which transmits numerous trains of pulses. It is, therefore, perfectly plausible that certain (statistical) relationships between such trains of pulses should also transmit information.... Whatever language the central nervous system is using, it is characterized by less logical and arithmetical depth than what we are normally used to [and] must structurally be essentially different from those languages to which our common experience refers."

jordan 10/18/2004, 10/31/2005

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BUSTED!

I jammed with a few people I haven't seen in a long time. Even though we kind of ended it on bad terms, all was forgiven. I learned some of their songs, found out what they've been up to over the years, and caught up on some gossip.

One of the guys had to leave early, so the others sat me down to listen to some stuff they've recorded. They were making me a tape so I could learn a few songs for next week. We sit down in a corner of the basement and they hit play.

The first song was one I had learned a little earlier. I noticed some parts I was messing up, and all was good. The second song is where it got interesting.

It was a cover of a song by my favorite band, Brand New. They're my favorite band, so of course I start singing along. The two guys start looking at me like they've seen a ghost.

Guy 1 is like, "What the hell are you doing, Jordan?!?"

Guy 2 is staring at me like i'm the devil.. or more likely, Jesus. I don't think the devil would get a rise out of him.

So, i keep singing.... "and i say... tell all the english boys you meet.. 'bout the american boy back in the states.. the american boy you used to date... who would do..." I can't figure out why they're freaking out.

"How the hell do you know the words?" gasps Guy 1.

"Well, they are my favoirte band."

"What the hell are you talking about? You're freaking me out, man." Says Guy 2 as he takes a nervous drag off his cowboy killer.

So, i explain. "It's Jude Law and a Semester Abroad by Brand New. That's cool you're jamming my favorite band's songs." Honestly, i was excited because i honestly wouldn't mind being in a Brand New cover band. They're that good.

Guy 1, "You mean Guy 3 (the one who left) didn't write that song?"

"no."

Guy 1, "but he said he wrote it... God Dammit, that's a good song."

Guy 2, "You're joking, right?"

Guy 1, "Well, no, guy 2, he freakin' knows all the words."

there's some silence and i start paying attention to the tape again. "Guy 1, you didn't play that fill right."

"I never heard the fucking song, how could I know what the fill was like."

Me, "Well, i've got it upstairs in my car. Want me to bring it down?"

Guy 2, "What about this part? The part where I scream, 'Never gonna get it right.." over Guy 3's vocals."

"Yep, that's in the song, too. Want me to go get it?"

Guy 1 and Guy 2, in unison, "daammit!"

Guy 1, "That's our best song.

10/18/2004

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The lambs

[I might change jobs. I want to work at a company that writes the software for those self-checkout doo-dads at the grocery store. I only want to do this for one reason. I love how some of the automated checkouts say, "Please place the item in the basket." They say this EVERY time you scan something... wha? I would rewrite the code so every time someone buys a bottle of jergens it plays a clip from silence of the lambs where the guy says, "PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET."

---

How does _that_ happen?

I'm real late for a meeting but I have to tell you what happened to me on the walk from my car to the office this morning. it had to be the absolute funniest thing I ahve evers seetn. I'm in a huge ghurry though so dismiss the grammer/spellilng.. anyway, i passed by a couple of guys who looked like they were just getting back from the bars.. they were striaght up tore, taling all loud.. the albino looking guy had a real thic russian accent and the other guy was.. well he had to be pretty normal cause I can't even remember what he looked like. A couple seconds after I pass htem I hear, "oh shit!" the next thing i know, there's a landscaping guy running across the grass chasing a lawnmort sdhf yhrtr'd domr huny eho eerny ou . yhr turrion fid osll likr esoyh, ehsy yhr gu, do you fhjul nny plsp[? sn i dysytf yunninh foen yhr difreslk, yrllin "yrj, dyop yhsy ullir ys" nsfn h;r dlikr "fo noeslly foo" yhr lj fdlkj.... yhr lrnyn yhin i knoe i hsb r sll lfl snf yhr tunyion dhuy if sl. hr, "hrlrl" snf im lik "RKLJLRKJLKRJ!!! ;LFDKJLKJ@@@@ " lfgj trsl frind is laying on the ground (that _had_ to hurt) so i look up and say, "?donde esta el corndog?"

WHAHAHH!H!!! donde esta el corndog!?!? how frickin' funny is that?!?!

oh, shit. my fingers were on the wrong keys for a while there.. sorry, igotta run, i'll rewrite it later.

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note to al 10/14/04

guessin you could do a big association table where this and this is funny

There's no magic with that. You could do that right now with a lotus spreadsheet. Load it up with all things funny and wait until the joke is appropriate. I want to load up this thing with _everything_ and let it sit there and spit out junk that almost seems random, but somehow not, and every once in a while it will spit out something that makes you think, wow... that's pretty funny.

The trick i'm trying to figure out is where to begin.. Obviously, jokes are extremely high level. Here's what i'm thinking... parse a dictionary.

Put each word along with its part of speech (noun, verb, etc.) in a node and then hook the nodes together with edges.

Each edge would have a meaning... like "synonym", "is-a", "has- a", "slang-synonym". Then parse out a thesarus to really load up on the "synonym" and "antonym" edges. Finally, parse something that can give you a load of "sounds like" edges. Assign a weight to the edges, so some edges have more meaning than others. You end up with a spaghetti mess.

Obviously, there will be some subsets of nodes that are strongly connected. Each one of these subsets will represent an idea, or a thing, or something. For example, leaf, green, branch, limb will all lie in a strongly connected graph that represents a tree. I'll call these areas, clouds.

Now, feed this thing a paragraph from your favorite book. Certain areas of the cloud are going to light up as the text is parsed.

What are you going to do with that? Not much.. But, what if you would also place pictures in the clouds. So, as a piece of text was being parsed, you'd get a slide show of what the computer was "thinking". Perhaps this is how our brains work? i dunno.

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CRISIS

The chinese ideogram for crisis is composed of the character for danger and the character for opportunity.

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salad

It is Friday night. I had a hard week at work. I think I deserve to go out, throw back a few beers, and kick it with some pals. Sadly, i cannot.

Why? Because I ate a california pizza kitchen santa fe chicken pizza for lunch today.

What does that have to do with going out? It is making my ass smell like that egg salad that got lost in the back of the refrigerator last summer.

I'm doing the world a favor by staying home.

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fun if you're twelve

That reminds me. Back in 8th grade a neighbor had a garage with 2 garage doors. One had an opener, the other probably hadn't been opened in 10 years. During the day some friends and I stole his mom's garage door opener. We took it back to my buddy's house and pilfered the code. Luckily, my friend had the exact same opener. Later, we replaced the stolen opener, unlocked the second garage door, and oiled it everywhere we could.

At about 3am we hid in his back yard and started making his garage door go nuts. The light in his bedroom went on instantly, but it took him a while to come outside. He just stood there and stared at it. Every time he'd go near it we'd hit the button. Totally freaked him out. He eventually unplugged it.

About 20 minutes later I snuck up to the house and SLOWLY opened the second garage door. I got it open just high enough to sneak in (i was about 5'1" and 125 lbs, so it didn't have to go up much.) I felt my way to the opener, stood on a can of paint and plugged it back in (unscrewing the light bulb first, of course.)

I put the paint can back and felt my way back to the door. While i'm still in there, my friends (the assholes hidden outside, with the clicker) start making the door go nuts again. I indiana jones'd it out the door and booked across the lawn. Amazingly, I didn't get caught. About 30 seconds later the guy came out. He was completely baffled. I mean, really confused. He's cussin' and yellin'. Dogs are barking all over the neighborhood. His mom came outside and started yelling... at him... It was great.

He unplugged it again. We went back in.. he came back out... this went on for 2 hours.

Last year my friend went over for a visit. Eleven years later and the garage door opener is still unplugged.

---

fun when you're old

get a bunch of chinese people in a room. At least three. make sure they're complete dorks and really like computers... a lot.

get them on a conference call with other chinese computer dorks. hell, get some russian people in on the call, too.

now, make sure they get in an argument about "variables"

trust me, it's funny when chinese poeple say, "variable"

---

beach towel

So, let's start out by talking about how cold it is and how i'm loving it.. also, the many uses of the beach towel and why you should never leave home without it... right, you're thinking, what's wrong with this guy. Just wait, it'll all make sense. You see, i recently purchased a jeep (the porsche got totaled... no fault of my own, of course) and I like to have the top off as much as possible. well, this lends to a whole slew of things I had never thought of before, mostly cause i've never owned a convertible. the truth is, you get wet all the time. Whether it's cause it's pouring down rain and the top is at home, or you're flying down big bend, talking on the phone, not paying much attention to anything (damn 1-900 numbers) when you immerse yourself in an 8" deep puddle that magically turns itself into a 10' tall tidal wave that decides to concentrate itself on you and your unsuspecting passenger. poor kid. Anyway, as i was saying, a beach towel is the coolest thing in the world, cause now that I have one with me at all times, i'm realizing the great benefits of it. it's so useful.. i mean, obviously, you can towel off whenever you need it, but it's so much more. I mean it can be a sun shade, you can put it over your head when you're taking a nap in traffic

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smell my hand

I just pulled a dollar bill out of my pocket that looked like someone puked tomato and cheese soup on it.

10/21/2004

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new and old

we like new things

we like things that are familiar.

familiar things get old.

I like to throw old things away.

But, when they come back to us, they feel new... and familiar. We like them a LOT. We do our best to shine them up and make them as new as possible. But, they're still the same old things with just a few more scratches left by somebody else.

---

last night

I:

1. got into a sold out show for free.
2. moshed with the devil (seriously, the guy had horns)
3. rock locked with the guitarist from a glam rock band.
4. drank 3 long islands, 1 7&7, and who knows what else... in less than an hour.
5. forgot to eat.
6. talked to some kid for an hour about how to make it as a punk band.
7. met up with 4 people who I haven't seen in over 5 years.
8. made an egg sandwich at 4am.

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fruits and nuts

her: "Route 66 goes all the way to California? Huh... Do you think there would be fewer homos in san fran if they would have named it route 69?"

me: "what?"

her: "nothing"

(it took me over a year to get that joke)

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similar but different

me and a different her, (a more perfect and amazing and beautiful her, of course) are sitting on the couch watching the news on the day they charged mike devlin with 71 offenses. Only 2 of which were not sodomy... I'm like, "didn't he have diabetes so bad he had his toes cut off? Don't people with diabetes that bad have ED? I hope so."

Right then I look down and yell at one dog, "S! Don't lick your sister's ass! you'll end up in jail like that guy." the dog looks up at me.

different-her, speaking in a dog voice says, "69 counts?"

funny on so many levels....

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pet psyho

Now, I like the pet psychic as much as the next guy. I'm sure you all agree, she's got it goin on. She's smart, sexy (in a sex with sue kind of way), and... well... she can talk to roosters. That's cool.

It got me thinking, though. I know a few real psychics and have been there to see them do some crazy stuff. Creepy, freakish, and amazingly real things. I'll have to admit it's difficult not to believe them. But, really... a pet psychic? You've got to be kidding me.

At the risk of pissing off all my psychic friends, what if the pet psychic really is just a good mind reader. Unknowingly picking up on thoughts and memories of those around her. Somehow I can believe that more than her conversation with sammy the cat about his smelly litter box.

So, if the pet psychic is a mind reader who just so happens to be good at picking up on people's thoughts about their beloved pooch, could people psychics just be good at picking up on people's thoughts about their loved ones?

Finally, what about the trance? Do you think some psychics have to go into a trance to open up their minds enough to let in people's thoughts and memories? Well then, what about going under hypnosis to quit smoking. Is that just the opposite?

ick.. i sound like a freak. I'd better stop.

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conversation at 24 fitness:

blueberry smuggler, "sweaty ipod guy needs to get back on track. maybe a slap on the butt will encourage him."

anorexic girl, "he ate WAY too much on vacation."

guy with no neck, "can you show me to the gun show?"

new guy, "sweaty ipod guy sure isn't friendly."

-r.w.

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e.e.

Where do they grow those perfectly cylindrical pinapples that fit pefectly in cans? I mean, that's wierd. Guess it's the same farm that grows boneless chickens.

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dog treats

I would like to invent a dog treat called, "carney guts."

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8.26.04

how are you??? good? great! wow.. what a morning for me. I went the back way to blockbuster to drop off the movie. There was this guy trying to back an 18-wheeler into a spot behind blockbuster. Funny thing is, he had no clue how to drive the truck. He nearly hit the building, and then got all crooked. THe whole time he was blocking the road I needed to go down. So, i parked and hoofed it to blockbuster (i was already late to work) As i was race-walking back, the trucker got all straightened out and gave it another go.. He was plenty far from the building this time. Well, maybe he was a little too far. he didn't notice he was taking out the chainlink fence on the other side of the truck. He got out and started cussing. I gave him the rock horns and hopped in the beemur.

So, i get back in my car and wait for this van to go by before I do my u turn.. the van was a newspaper delivery guy.. he was sooooo slooowwwwww... I was stuck behind him for three blocks. Now I was reeel late to work. no big deal.

I finally get to work and sit down in my cube. I open my man-purse to find my glasses and BOOM! geessus, rw.. it was a pasta salad explosion in there. My note cards and wash u notes are covered in salad dressing and I had baby tortillini all over. ewwwwww!

What an interesting morning.. oh, and daisy is still spoiled.

---

9.20.04

php will fry your brain! don't use it! java is safer-- and legal.

-r.w.

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my office/work environment

    * a garage to park my car
     * a deck where i can do work outside
     * lots of natural light
     * shower
     * windows that open
     * stair master with a shelf where i can do work while i climb
     * dry erase walls so i can write anywhere
     * lots of color

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parking lots

I haven't ever been a huge fan of big chunks of pavement, such as a parking lot or driveway. Something about all that run-off and lack of grass/trees. Why not place large stainless steel grids over nicely graded dirt. You know, the kind of grids they use for cheap bridges that you can see through? That stuff. It is strong enough for a car, and yet, grass could grow in the holes and water could drain through. you'd have to set the grids on concrete pylons so they don't sink. In fact, why not have it 1 foot above the ground. Grow grass down there and cut it with short, robot lawnmowers. You get all the drainage you need, it would look kind of neat, and you don't have to think about all the run-off. I like it!

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Funniest thing I've heard in 3 months (you had to be there)

At practice M.G. is blabbing about something.. then he's like, "Shrimp. I'm going to get 10 lbs. of shrimp and cook them up." He turns to J. He's like, "Hey, J..... You know... Shrimp. Do you like shrimp?" J looks up from whatever he was doing and says, "Shrimp? I don't know. Does it have an anus?"

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far-fetched

Here are a few of my ideas that I think are a little out of hand

     * excel as a platform - a lot of people use spreadsheets to do a lot of very complex things. It gets to a point where excel can't handle it, but the people don't know how to replace it.. or, worse yet, the spreadhseet is so critical, the company can't afford not to use it. I'd like to develop an excel platform that would import a spreadsheet, but be robust enough to handle a lot more... i think i can do it with my generic object hierarchy
     * Fully configurable manufacturing robots. Really, since we are sending all of our manufacturing jobs out, what's wrong with building a suite of highly configurable manufacturing machines that can take the place of humans. I mean, we're close, it's just that most robots today are designed to serve one purpose. Why not make them a little more generic so the same bot could sew a t-shirt and then a week later put together a circuit board. If this was possible, we would definitely become a service-oriented society.. taking care of each other and the machines that build the things we need. A good thing about this is you could take the machines closer to the supplies and let them go.
     * dumps as the mines of tomorrow - Figure out how to really recycle. That is, how to break EVERYTHING down into clean molecules. I see these things as refining machines. Build a bunch of them, attach a shovel to the front and let them loose in a dump.

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sports

I'm not a big fan of sports, but I do love listening to people talk about them. Especially when they say something like this.

"It looks tough for the cards tonight. They haven't won a home game that started after 3pm on a full-moon in the second week of an odd numbered month since 1972. That on top of the fact that walker has never hit a home run in a game in which he did not take a pre-game dump in the locker room. His response? 'I simply did not have to go.' Tonight's gonna be interesting. Back to you, Kenny."

10/25/2004

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Thought of the day, Jan 12, 2005: "the theory of everything?"

Everything can be boiled down to a common set of truths and goals. This set of truths and goals is common to all systems. However, we, as humans, can never understand the majority. We are severly limited by the few neurons and connections we hold in our head. To believe we can "figure it out" is recockulous.

This may sound like a lame cop-out. Well, it is. I don't see any reason to devote a lot of energy to figuring it out. There's so much more we could do with our time.

With that said, i'd still like to jot down a few of the things I think we can/do understand (even though we often ignore.) I won't pretend that these are the truths. I feel like they are helpful abstractions we can use to understand and/or create something interesting. Oh, and really, i'm not weird, i'm just pouring out a bunch of jibberish that might help me think. If not, no big deal. It's not like I stand on street corners and preach this stuff. That makes it ok, right? hope so!

     * Everything exists forever. (Balance->evolution->revolution->balance->evolution->etc.)
     * Systems are circular. I say that because if something goes around and doesn't come back around, it has ceased to exist.
        Everything is moving. If something stops moving, it cannot be circular and therefore no longer exists.
     * Nothing is ever finished. if it is finished, it has stopped moving. Ceased to exist.
     * Everything is composed of smaller components of the exact same thing.
        The difference in interaction of the similar components is what makes things, "different."
     * A "thing" can only interact with other things that are on a similar scale. Take size, for example, humans have a time, energy, and a size scale. We can easily pick up a pencil (same scale) but it is tough to move a mountain. Possible? yes, but it takes a long time. This is similar to moving a planet into a different orbit. that's tough. but, you may ask, what if we create an explosion that moves a mountain? Something as small as a bunch of molecules have enough power to move a mountain. Well then, isnt' that kind of circular? itty bitty things moving a big thing? Or, is it the energy scale. the itty bitty things, given the right conditions have a bunch of energy. enough to move the mountain quickly... Ah hA! maybe it is true that size doesn't matter.. maybe everything is on an energy scale. But, what is energy? do we know? i should look that up... I just did. looks like no one knows what energy really is. i think it is movement.
     * Is gravity the force that creates energy? it could be. There's no reason to believe that neutrons dont' possess gravity. I think they do and that's why electrons flow around. Maybe we should look more at gravity.
        Maybe energy is the word we use to describe movement. If we can accept that everything is "moving", then energy is the transfer of that movement from one object to another. For example, when something has a lot of energy, it is often hot. that is, it is giving off it's "movement" to whatever is around. Movement is easily transferred, for whatever reason.
     * Can this help explain gravity? perhaps. Take two cars that have crashed together, sometimes it is difficult to pull them apart. Could gravity simply be the force we experience when two bodies' "movment" are interacting? For example, the sun is ginormous. It's got a hell of a lot of "movement". The earth is pretty big, too, but smaller, so it is attacted by the sun's big movement. Now, some of that "movment" is getting transferred to everthing on the earth an the earth's own rotation about it's axis and its orbit around the sun. If we didn't have that movement, we would get pulled into the sun because we'd accept more and more of the sun's "movement". If we didnt' burn up before we got to it, we'd hit it and become a part of the sun.
     * let's start talking crazy... HA! no, seriously. Maybe a lot can be explained if we say a few things. Everything is always moving. Movement is efficienly transferred. Finally, things that are moving less are jealous and suck movement off things that are moving more. This can be applied to people. Lame ass couch potatoes that aren't doing much are sucking the life out of those who do things. Basically, people suck. HA!
     * Magnets... take a little movement and line it up so everythings going in one direction. Then, take a similar thing and line up it's movement in the opposite direction. You get enough movement lined up and there you go, you have magnetic attraction, which really is just gravity on a small, but conecntrated scale.
     * incomplete!

update june 7, 2006 - not just movement... but repetative movement. think of a carnot cycle.

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Lines that are good

Woah, I sure picked a bad day to stop wearing deodorant, cause you're haute!

Are you drinking a michelob ultra because you think you're fat? cause you're not. You could be drinking a guinness if you wanted.

wow, it's a good thing i'm not pregnant, cause I want to have like 10,000 of your babies

Quick, let me get a picture. I can't believe I just found the real cause of global warming

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