Tricky Keg Stands

I wrote this a long time ago. I didn't do anything with it because I was afraid it would make my girlfriend flip out. That was 3 girlfriends ago and I still haven't done anything with it.

I re-found this story a few weeks ago while cleaning up an old computer. The first thing I thought was, "Heh, that would make a great missed connection." I might post it one day. Until then, it will rest here.

The Palm of My Hand

Do you remember that old guy at the rink who read my palm?

Wait. No. It was before we met. He spoke of the long, fruitful life ahead and described my love line in excruciating detail. You know, the deep parts, the splits. It doesn't leave much to the imagination.

He pointed at my palm and adjusted his glasses. "You see that? You're a lucky guy to get a love like that." He coughed that nasty wet cough again. "I wonder why it ends."

I thought the whole thing was a bit silly. I probably gave him a dollar and went on to whatever was important to do as an 8th grader in an ice rink on a Friday night.

Fast forward 12 years to today. The palm reader is probably dead and I'm at the DMV. Bored. Looking at my hand. Thinking of you.

The day we met is obvious. The crease runs deep. Sometimes others intertwined. Our lines coming and going but always twisting together. I can see the day I said goodbye. From there the lines drift slowly and fade.

After our split, I had my dreams. In fact, I got to see you about once a week. It wasn't so bad but things have changed. The dreams have been fading and you've been getting further away.

I miss you.

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Some Comments

I threw this up on a writing forum one day. Here are the comments:

i liked it 2008-07-03 20:16:33

Was is a message on a voice mail?

feedback 2008-07-03 20:58:58

Hey, I really like the beginning, up until the "thinking of you". After that.. I think it gets weak. But I like the theme of the palm reading and the love line, and thinking back to the girl who was the crease. I think that's great basis for a short story. Keep going with this.

solid 2008-07-03 21:38:38

Here's my advice, and I'm not trying to be mean, I swear. I liked the beginning, didn't love it, but then it starts to get too sentimental. The thing is, everyone has had their heart broken. Everyone has lost someone. We all know that feeling, but I also know I've seen this said the way you said it eight thousand times before. Don't tell me about the day you met, tell me what it is you miss, the stupid thing he did with his hair, the one day he hit a guard rail with his tercel. If you tell something that has meaning to you, the audience can find their own meaning in it. I hope this helped.

trying to be handy 2008-07-04 02:27:05

-What makes the palm reader's description of your love line "excruciating" if he didn't know how it ends? -More about the sound of the palm reader's voice -Give us a visual clue as to how it ends, instead of the last two paragraphs

that was beautiful.. thanks for 2008-07-04 09:28:46