Tricky Keg Stands

f:

jlk - peeled shrimp with the obsessive precision of a girl who experienced some agony while passing a rogue shell the day after her 16th birthday.

jas - can snap-flick a bottle cap with brutal force and accuracy.

a s - doesn't eat pancakes

p - would sing harmony with her sisters while doing the dishes. All three tapping on their legs and swaying.

s s - doesn't drink margaritas because they make her forehead sweat.

nrm - is not the type of girl you'd expect to be the subject of punk rock songs. (but, she is. (A lot of them))

off - wants to find a boy who will reluctantly come along (dancing, shopping, children) and be surprisingly adequate.

jb - hates cotton balls so much they make her scream and run away

alb - feels very pretty and inadequate.

m:

wmh - "Then my daughter says, 'Dad, i didn't want to hit him, but punching him in the face was the only thing that could keep me from crying. So, I did, repeatedly.' The boy didn't seem to mind so the teacher let it slide. I don't know if I should put her in boxing classes or call a therapist."

dr. mdb md,phd - has to ride the elevator to the first floor, then the top before getting off on his floor.

jdw - ears bent backwards == hell.

jgb - squeezing and pulling his finger in such a way as to push the blood to the tip will make him pass out immediately without fail.

bmw - two gingers beget an april fools baby. they named him b.m.w.

utl - dated a country western dj for 2 years.

dr - nailed an interview at a defense contractor by saying, "I've been blowing the fuck out of all kinds of shit since I was this tall. I was born for this job." (He's the guy who'd seed the tourettes kid with awkward phrases during exams.)

klm - puts question marks at the end of sentences that aren't questions?

awd - drank 6 pots of coffee and choked out a wild squirrel in our dining room with his bare hands.

xpw - goes by his middle name.

lkp - loves wet paper. He is a collector of maps.

sks - tall, likes a good fight. listens to orchestral arrangements of disney's classics.

rhs - Discreetly palmed each seat before sitting. If a chair failed this test he would uncomfortably teeter on the corner or an edge. Temperature differential? I never asked.