I'm at work.. the first job straight out of college. I have my first big meeting where I'm going to tell my bosses and my bosses' boss how I think they should architect a particular plan and why their ideas are antiquated and wrong. One of the bosses' boss is a serious asshole who has it out for me.
In other words, I'm pretty nervous.
Now, you may not know this, but I'm a big sweater. No, not like that comfy, warm thing you like to wear in the winter... If you put me in an empty bucket in the sun, I'd probably drown myself. Gross? Nah... I've embraced the sweat. It is a good time.
Back to the meeting. I'm early, setting up my presentation and slightly freaking out. My white shirt and tie are perfect, khakis are pressed... yadda yadda yadda. The first guest arrives. We chit chat for a bit and I kind of brush my sleeve to my forehead like I have an itch.. I'm really trying to wipe some sweat off my brow. I'm sure it isn't obvious... right?
I noticed I had a little blue spot on my white sleeve. No big deal, just a spot. I continue the nervous babble as people are arriving. My nerves are about shot and the conference room is in direct sunlight... it is hot.
I try my little, 'wipe the pouring sweat using your sleeve and pretend no one notices' routine. I look down.. another blue stain on my left arm. What is going on?
The meeting is about to begin. The asshole arrives. He's got some mustard on his chin. Fucking asshole.
I decide it might be a good idea to run to the bathroom and splash some ice cold water in my face in an effort to close my pours... I mean, pores. So, I do.
I get to the bathroom and notice I don't look so good. Kind of green, actually. I've never looked green in my life. What the hell does it mean when someone looks, green?
Now I know. I look like shit. I turn on the water.
The first splash is pretty normal. I look in the mirror and notice another blue stain on the inside of my collar. Think, ring-around-the-collar, except blue. Twah? The second splash is what got me. I look in the sink and notice the water has a tidy bowl kind of look to it. A very faint hint of blue.
I notice the water running down my arm is... blue... What?
I grab a paper towel and start to dry off. Blue. Everything is blue.
I wipe my forehead with a white paper towel... blue. The friggin' thing turns blue. I loosened my bright orange tie and unbuttoned my collar. The entire thing is soaked in blue sweat.
Sweet jesus... I'm sweating blue. What the fuck???
I grab a stack of paper towels and head back to the meeting more nervous than before. What is going on?
I sit down,
Karen looks at me and says, "Hey, you look like you're freaking out. Are you ok?"
Not being one for ever hiding a funny story, I say, "I'm sweating blue and I'm a little weirded out about the whole situation."
Try saying that to a conference room full of your bosses. They'll look at you like you're nuts. That's why I brought in the paper towels.
"Look," I said as I brushed a towel across the back of my neck. "I'm not kidding." I showed the room. "I'm sweating blue."
I love being the center of attention, except when I'm in the middle of a bizarre medical condition and sweating my ass off... Blue. The whole deal makes me sweat more. The more I sweat, the more blue comes rolling off my body. My face, neck, arms, even my freakin' legs are sweating blue. As a bead of sweat runs down my face, it gets more blue... darker and darker as it rolls.
No shit. I am sweating blue.
My boss looks at me and says, "Do you want to go home?"
I have no idea what is going on... So, I'm like, "well, maybe I should go call my doctor."
So, I do.
I jog back to my cube and make the call.
I'll spare you the details. Let's just say it was funny as shit. The poor receptionist at my dirty doctor had no idea what to do. My doctor didn't know what to do. They looked it up and called me back.. still, no clue.
So, I run back to the meeting and finish up my presentation. By time I'm done there is a pile of lightly tinted blue paper towels in the trash and everyone in my office is looking at me like I'm a leper.
The day is about over so I go home. The lobby is full of mirrors. I notice a faint blue tint to the area on my back where I was sitting in the chair. I think, Am I going to die today?
About half way home I think, Wait a minute. I put those new, dark green flannel sheets on my bed last night.
Yeah... the entire thing was because of the new sheets. I have no idea how or why, but even though I had washed them before putting them on my bed, the dye somehow rubbed off on me during the night. It was so light you could barely see it on my skin. However, the second it hit water, it turned bright blue. I have no idea how it lasted through my morning shower. You should have seen the white towel I used to dry off that morning. I must have been completely asleep not to notice the towel.