I've stopped taking my pills. I feel like I've welcomed a best friend back into my life
The pills were good because I learned something. I can now look at my old friend squarely and say, 'What is wrong with you?' It is like going home after graduation and having a night out with your buddy who still lives at home and blazes all day. You miss that life but you're looking at it from new eyes. With those eyes you know you'll be able to wake up tomorrow and do something. I once thought there was no prize for being functioning adult, but being able to get outside and pay your bills is the prize. It is Enough.
And, last night was spent with someone who is about to have a child. Sometimes I wonder why people don't ask my opinions or for advice then I realize all these ideas and thoughts are on the inside and the bit I let out is what typically makes an unlikable buffoon. So, I shrug and think, 'yeah.' As for the advice or 'what I've learned' there is one thing I'd probably not say to a half stranger over drinks. Having a child made me realize we are made up animals. Nothing special. We are ordinary mammals who are slaves to our own biochemistry and evolution with a level of whimsy enabled by our laughably large cerebral cortex. The whimsy can make us believe we are different than a cow or an orangutan in that we make up abstractions about ourselves that allow us to ignore what we are.